Think about having a conversation with the person you like. Can you name any specific things in his/her behaviour? For conversations, here´s 5 tactics to make people like us more. I am quite sure that at least couple of them will seem pretty familiar...
5 TACTICTS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE US MORE (during conversation)
1. Genuine smile Our brains love (genuine) smile because it´s safe to assume that genuinely smiling person is not planning to harm us. Genuine smile means "smiling with your eyes" aka Duchenne smile, It involves raising the corners of the mouth (contraction of the zygomatic major muscle) and raising the cheeks to form "crow´s feet" (wrinkles) on the side of the eyes (contraction of the orbicularis oculi muscle). 2. Eye contact We should hold eye contact 3-7 seconds before letting our gaze shortly fall a few inches down to chin/mouth/nose area. Holding the gaze 10 seconds or more might make us seem a bit strange or even aggressive. 3. Body language We should keep a good but relaxed posture, lean slightly forward and hold our feet and chest towards the other. Hands and palms should not be hid behind the back or in the pockets, Also crossing hands (or legs) should be avoided. 4. Listening Real listening is the most important thing we can do to make people like us more. Hearing someone is not listening. Unlike hearing, true listening is active: - emphasizing by nodding and reflecting of what we are hearing with expressions and small phrases like "Yes", "Uh-huh", "Really?", "Okay, I see" show that we are truly listening. - We shouldn´t interrupt, talk over the other or just wait our "turn" to speak. Instead, we should let the other to continue by asking open-ended questions like for example "Wow! Did that really happen?" " or "What happened then?" We shouldn´t ask questions that encourage one-words answers. Short pause before we start talking tells that we are processing the things the other one just told us. 5. Mirroring Mirroring is the behavior in which one person imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. Altought mirroring mainly happens unconsciously, it´s possible to learn to do it consciously but unnoticeably. If we see the other mirroring US we are doing the things right. BONUS
Try to get the other to hold something warm like cup of coffee in his/her hands while you´re having a discussion. The physical warmth primes that person see you "warmer" as a person.
HEAR ME People like to be heard, but if everybody talks then who is listening? Listening is humble, rare and valuable. That´s why we like the person who does it. When we can truly focus on listening, our body language and mirroring will happen automatically. To be liked is putting others first before us.
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai lama
(NICE TO BE RICH? According to the study conducted by Cornell University´s School of Industrial and Labor Relations, especially with men, agreeable workers earn 18% lower incomes than less agreeable ones. So if you think that being nice and agreeable would make you more money, I am sorry. Also, financially succeeded people tend to be low in neuroticism which means they are less likely to experience negative emotions like fear, sadness, anxiety, and guilt. They are not too afraid of what people might think about them.)